A Mindful Approach to Spending Holidays with Family (PART 2)
If you’ve recently lost someone, or even recently, the holidays can be a time of profound pain and grief. It’s a heartbreaking reminder of someone who is no longer with us. So sentiments of sadness, grief, wrath, or guilt may be present.
While there is no one “right” method to grieve, grieving is necessary for us to use our human capability to find a renewed sense of significance. Grief fosters resilience. Keeping a loved one in our hearts and minds while moving forward with purpose and direction. These suggestions can help you navigate the holiday season with grace and resilience:
Recognize that everyone is dealing with sorrow according to their schedule. Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience. Listen to your heart and head to determine what you require. During this period, be extremely gentle and kind to yourself.
Pay close attention when you’re having fun. Try to notice when you’re laughing at a performance, connecting with someone you care about, receiving a nice present, or enjoying the taste of your favorite seasonal cuisine. Or maybe you feel relieved that the holiday is coming to an end. Pay attention to how you feel in your body during these lighter moments, and tell yourself, “This is a good moment.”
Let them know if you’re OK or not. Some people may wish to cheer you up or make you feel better, but even if they do so with good intentions, that may not be where you are right now. It’s pretty acceptable to let them know you’re OK with the feelings arising for you.
Respect your boundaries. You do not have to participate in everything, and taking a break is acceptable: going for a stroll, lying down, or crying in another room. These feelings are present, and you can allow them to pass. Allow yourself to recognize your limitations and honestly care for yourself.
Make your way by spending time with the deceased. It could be lighting a candle and chatting about the individual or going to a location where you feel their presence. You may do something exciting, such as bake their favorite delicacy, or spend some quiet time in thought or prayer. Allow yourself to enjoy your recollections and feelings for the person.
Look for opportunities to be generous. Giving our time and energy to help others is a practical approach to coping with sadness. Because it allows us to go outside ourselves, altruism is an excellent mediator of loss and loneliness. You could engage in a cause or organization that was important to the person who died. You might also spend time cultivating a growing compassion practice in your thoughts and body.
Seek help with your grief process. Consider for a moment: Do I require more assistance with my grief? If so, you might look for a venue where people talk about suffering daily—a way to normalize it so it doesn’t remain hidden. Individual therapy and support, as well as peer-based groups, are excellent strategies to begin processing the emotions that are present.
Use These Mindful Communication Techniques to Help You Get Through Holiday Conflicts
We begin practicing mindful communication by observing how we open out when we are emotionally safe and close down when we are fearful. Simply noting these patterns without judging them promotes mindfulness in our communications.
Practicing mindful communication forces us to confront our relationship worries. Our relationships can be transformed into a path of self-discovery if we are willing to relate to these core fears. Being conscious of our open and closed conversational habits will boost our awareness and insight. We start to realize how our communication style affects others. We know our attitude toward someone can blind us to who they are.
Mindful Communication Principles
Listen
When we attempt to listen to the other person first in a quarrel, we improve the likelihood that they will listen to us.
Notice
Attending to our reactivity—noticing the rise of activation and supporting the calm of deactivation—can help us make more informed decisions about what to say and when to say it.
Reflect
When people feel heard, they are more likely to listen. Before responding, take a moment to ponder.
Understanding
The better we understand one another, the easier it will be to find solutions that work for everyone. As a result, before problem-solving, try to achieve as much mutual understanding as is feasible.
Determine Desires
Conflict typically arises at the level of our strategies—what we desire. The better we understand our needs—why we like what we want—the less friction there is.
Use Emotional Intelligence
Awareness of our emotions allows us to intentionally select how we participate in a conversation.
Accept Responsibility
The more we accept responsibility for our sentiments, linking them to our own needs rather than the actions of others, the simpler it is for others to hear us.
Hear the Cry
The more we hear others’ sentiments as a mirror of their needs, the easier it is to understand them without blaming, agreeing, or feeling responsible for their emotions.
Mindful Listening Techniques
You may still encounter distractions and triggers when mindfully listening. Still, you may practice observing your distractibility without judgment and redirecting your attention to the speaker and the words coming from them. You can practice building compassion for the impulse to lash out; you can also do work that allows you to become more aware of why you are feeling triggered so you can pause before reacting.
Listening to another person’s feelings without reacting instantly and sometimes rashly offers space for both sides to feel heard. To improve your active listening skills, try the following exercise:
Set a timer for two minutes and find a partner for this activity.
One person starts talking about whatever they want, including how they feel about the relationship or anything else. Because this practice is about learning to listen uninterruptedly, keeping the theme in mind is best.
The listening partner practices listening. Nonverbal responses are acceptable at this time, but verbal responses are not.
After two minutes, the listener takes a moment to jot down one to three significant ideas offered by the speaker, as well as what, if anything, triggered or distracted them from listening.
Set the timer for two minutes again.
Switch roles so that the original speaker is now the listener.
After two minutes, the listener takes a moment to jot down one to three significant ideas offered by the speaker, as well as what, if anything, triggered or distracted them from listening.
After each of you has finished speaking, take note of what ideas, feelings, or body sensations arose during this encounter. Observe with compassion and nonjudgment.
Thank each other for taking time out of your hectic schedules to build your connection.