A Mindful Approach to Spending Holidays with Family (PART 1)
Spending Holidays with Family
Let’s face it: no matter what holiday you celebrate, there are a plethora of reasons we may be dealing with uncomfortable emotions and social settings. The good news is that our mindfulness practice is available to help us make room for self-compassion and ease.
Throughout our culture, it is expected to be happy, lighthearted, and ceaselessly social during the Christmas season. Still, the reality is that only some of us can live up to these expectations. There are numerous reasons why we may be dealing with unpleasant emotions at this time of year, particularly in the social situations that comprise so many of our Christmas traditions, regardless of which holidays you celebrate. Temperaments may flare. Tears may flow. Everything is understandable, if not comfortable.
The good news is that mindfulness allows us to accept ourselves and our emotions as they ebb and flow, peak and fall; it may also help us cope with those feelings, providing us with the inner space to care for ourselves and those around us.
Slow Down and Look After Yourself
One of the ways we respond to the stress of this time of year is to fill our time with even more activity, commitments, and opportunities to face the limits of our capacity rather than take a break from our typical, hectic lives. We accelerate as if we keep busy enough to outrun all the craziness. Knowing when to slow down and when to say no is an essential part of self-care over the holidays. In this manner, you can enjoy the holiday season.
Self-care recommendations to help you calm down amid family and social gatherings:
Take your time. Remember to take a few moments each day to halt, listen to your body, and breathe in the moment. You could be wondering, “Breathe?” That is your recommendation. However, evidence indicates that many of us are not indeed breathing. So, take a moment to inhale correctly, allowing your tummy to expand on the in-breath. Pause your social commitments as well; see if you can decline a few invites this year. Consider a holiday potluck an opportunity for guests to offer a memorable recipe, allowing you to enjoy their company rather than worrying about food preparation.
Kindness should be emphasized. Give yourself a moment to stop once you’ve learned the technique of mindful breathing.
Remember to employ a light touch when it comes to relationships and issues that are difficult for you.
Maintain the aim of wishing everyone well, especially challenging ones, and even expressing silently, “I wish this person happiness.”
Instead of reacting to things you disagree with or engaging in an argument, try to find opportunities to offer a genuine compliment or kind word, or get up from your seat and assist with a task.
Enjoy your food. Overindulgence in sugar, booze, junk food—you name it—paired with missed workouts, late evenings, and jam-packed weekends is expected over the holidays. This festive combination might leave you feeling less than your best in both body and mind and tuning in to your body’s hunger and thirst cues. When you’re hungry, prepare a plate of food, place snacks in containers to eat from, and eat slowly to better experience the flavors and textures of your food—and to make you less inclined to overeat. Remember that our bodies sometimes confuse thirst for hunger, so before reaching for another cookie, ask yourself, “Am I thirsty?” And, of course, be gentle with yourself if you find yourself on the other end of a late-night grazing session. Recognizing that we eat to soothe and rejoice is an act of compassion.
Pay attention to your emotional requirements. We always talk about celebrating and spending time with loved ones. Still, holidays can also be highly stressful or traumatic for various reasons. You may want this holiday to seem “normal,” but perhaps you can try to accept the changes—even the most challenging routes. Then, consider how to identify and minimize the activities or situations that exacerbate your complicated feelings. This could include skipping some events or restricting your interactions with particular people.
Take note of what makes you happy. What exactly are you thankful for? What comes to mind as something you’re grateful for when you close your eyes and breathe deeply? Whether you follow a religious tradition or enjoy the celebrations, set aside time each day to reflect on what makes you grateful. The more you pay attention to what you appreciate, especially the simple things, the more causes for joy and thankfulness you’ll see all around you—even after the holidays are over.
Keep These Mindful Phrases in Mind for Difficult Interactions
Family parties and other social occasions can put your talents to the test, no matter how well-prepared you are. Attend a family reunion if you believe you are mindful. When stress and tension rise, there are three mindsets you can cultivate to attain inner peace this holiday season:
Maintain Your Integrity: Recognize that this is difficult. I can do my best without having to be perfect. Even people who have been practicing meditation for years find themselves ruminating over conflicts with relatives, revisiting past hurts in their minds, and striving not to get caught up in their feelings. Be kind to yourself; these situations can be difficult for anyone.
You’re only human. Look around the room and think, “I wish for this person to be healthy, safe, and happy in life,” no matter how bad your connection may be. This thinking sets a goal and creates a warm feeling in the heart, which helps to reduce negativity and tension.
This Life Is Brief: When you’re finding it challenging to be present with someone, ask yourself: If this person died tomorrow, how would I want to be there with them today? You’d likely want to be generous with your time and love, putting personal disputes aside in favor of compassion. Considering that we all have a certain amount of time together, we can begin seeing things differently.
How to Keep Your Seat When Family Members With Differing Opinions Are Around You
Many of us are confronted with the reality that family or immediate community members have made decisions and expressed ideas with which we disagree. If you’re in this scenario and experiencing grief, helplessness, worry, rage, or anything else, remember that you’re not alone. Remember to be friendly and kind to yourself while maintaining the necessary boundaries. If necessary, consider the following suggestions for moving toward peace and securely navigating the holidays:
Accept your emotions. Know that your feelings are valid, whether you feel the heat of frustration, hollow grief, a lack of certainty, or a confusion of emotions. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling at the time, with compassion and without judgment.
Express your sentiments. Just as important as embracing your feelings is expressing them in a way that benefits you, especially if you feel hindered in your capacity to communicate with people with thwarting viewpoints. For example, journaling, talking about the event, scrapbooking, or dancing to a favorite song are all effective strategies to process feelings rather than allowing them to fester.
Reach out wisely. It is critical to reach out in various ways. Find a balance between being alone with yourself and being with others, but most importantly, reach out and don’t isolate. Importantly, ask yourself honestly whether you’re ready and willing to have a holiday phone or Zoom chat with the people you’ve decided not to spend time with. Is this an opportunity to foster some measure of reconciliation? Is it more likely to produce more grief and strife for both parties?
Continue to look after yourself and others; navigating this emotionally challenging terrain may feel like climbing a mountain. It requires effort and can be exhausting at times. Continue eating right, exercising, and practicing wellness routines as much as possible during this difficult time.