A Mindful Approach to Spending Holidays with Family (PART 4)
The holiday season can be a time of obligations, preparation, and pleasurable or unpleasant anticipation. Use this guided technique to help you deal with stress. Remember to check in with yourself and recognize what you need to experience ease.
A 20-Minute Meditation to Help You Relax During the Holidays
Begin by settling into a comfortable posture, with your back against the chair and your feet on the ground. Feel the ground’s support and the support of whatever you’re sitting on right now. Connect with your breath and the sensations of breathing at this moment, if it is a comfortable anchor for your attention.
Take a few deep breaths. Allow yourself to exhale any tension that is quickly released. Allow any pressure that is more difficult to remove to be present. Allow yourself the luxury of doing nothing right now.
Allow your breath to guide you. Sit here and allow the breath to breathe in tandem with your attention. When you notice your attention has strayed from the breath, softly bring it back.
Allow your thoughts to calm and, if you like, recall lovely memories. Let’s start with Thanksgiving this year. Many folks saw loved ones for the first time in two years. Take your time recalling tiny or significant moments of joy, happiness, or connection. Consider each of these memories a pearl you place in a bowl as if you were gathering treasure. Allow yourself to sense your glory, one memory at a time.
Consider the following days: The coming weeks may be jam-packed with planning, work, family commitments, celebration preparations, and anticipation. Allow yourself to feel everything.
What do you require? What do you need more of as a resource in relation to this moment? You should put greater emphasis on relaxation. You should take a brief walk in the fresh air every day. There may be something you should decline. Perhaps you need to permit yourself to be flawed—to be human. See if anything comes to mind now that you’ll want to remember once this meditation is finished.
Allow your thoughts, images, and concepts to fade into silence. As you prepare to leave this meditation and resume your day, take a few longer, deeper breaths.
Develop Compassion for Yourself and Others
This practice for growing compassion reminds us of what we have in common. It is not a replacement for learning techniques to recognize our differences, but they are equally vital.
This exercise complements us by helping us realize how similar we are. You can conduct the training by picturing a friend, a colleague, someone neutral, or someone challenging. You can also complete this exercise with a live partner while sitting across from each other or glancing at each other and silently repeating the words. Use these or other terms that seem more relevant to you.
Remember that others are similar to you.
A “Just Like Me” Compassion Practice
Begin by recognizing that you have a person in front of you, either in your head or physically sitting across from you. A fellow human being like yourself. While looking at your companion, silently repeat the following phrases:
This person, like me, has a body and a mind. This person, like me, has feelings, ideas, and emotions.
This person, like myself, has suffered physical and mental anguish and suffering throughout their life. This person, like myself, has been sad at some point. This guy, like me, has been disappointed in life.
This person, like me, has been angry at times. Like me, this person has suffered harm at the hands of others.
This person, like me, has felt unworthy or inadequate at times. This guy, like me, is concerned. This person, like me, is scared at times.
This guy, like me, will perish.
This person, like me, wished for friendship. This person, like me, is learning about life. This person, like myself, hopes to be loving and friendly to others.
Like me, this person wishes to be content with what life offers. This person, like me, aspires to be free of pain and suffering. This person, like me, aspires to be happy. This person, like me, wants to be safe, robust, and healthy. This person, like me, desires to be loved.
Allow some well-being wishes to arise: I wish you the strength, resources, and social support you need to navigate the challenges in your life easily. I hope you are free of pain and sorrow. I hope you find serenity and happiness. I hope you are liked because you are a fellow human being like myself.
Thank your partner for practicing this with you, whether they are physically present or you have brought them into your thoughts. Thank you in whichever way feels right to you.
Examine Your Holiday Expectations
While the holidays represent intense joy, generosity, and togetherness, even in the absence of a pandemic, they can also elicit feelings of stress, disappointment, and conflict.
Exercise Self-Compassion
Find a comfortable position for yourself. You could close your eyes for a moment.
I’d like you to recall a difficult time in your life. Maybe you got carried away with the kids. Perhaps you burned dinner. If you’re stressed, it’s possible that you’re not able to show up in the way you want to, for others or yourself. Consider a minor flaw and observe how it makes you feel.
You may notice a critical voice begin to speak: “What’s the matter with you? What’s the matter with you? You’re incapable of doing anything correctly.” Take note of that voice. You may even ask it to take a step back.
Name this experience now, using a more compassionate voice and resonating terms. Is this a difficult time? Is this difficult, difficult, or stressful? What matters is that the words feel genuine to you. Use words you would say to a friend, a child, or someone you care about with a kind and patient tone.
Then, I’ll invite you to share some words of connection with us. Something that serves as a reminder that you are not alone. This has been a challenging year for all of us. Nobody is perfect right now, and we’re all struggling. What are the words that speak to you and feel genuine? If you prefer, place your hands over your heart. Give yourself a gentle hug, or feel the warmth of your hands in your lap. Just keep in mind that you are not alone.
Finally, some words of encouragement: Please allow me to let this go. Please forgive me. Please allow me to be patient. May I be as kind with myself as I am with others I love, for I do love myself. I do deserve this kindness. I’m not going to expect everything to be flawless. Please remind me that I am not alone. May I not have such lofty goals for myself and others?
Take a few more moments to be gentle with yourself. Remember to pause at any point during a difficult situation, recognizing your feelings and remembering that you are not alone. Offer some words of kindness and encouragement to yourself.